Compete is a joint project between Kotaku and Deadspin, and as the Compete editor and writers, we like to say that we have two dads. They’re both supportive, loving parents, if ones with slightly different workflows—or so we thought until last night, when one father’s apparently hidden resentments boiled over. We were scheduled to present a Deadspin Award for “Most Intense Pentakill In A League Final,” until host and tsports (“traditional sports”) chud Drew Magary rudely denied us our brief moment on the stage.

We will be seeking lone custody from Kotaku going forward. Apologies to Erlend “Nukeduck” Våtevik Holm, whose name I horrifically butchered before Drew did the same to our hopes and dreams.